Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 706 of 6446

I'm surprised the weather channel hasn't started naming the caravans......
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10-30-2018 16:29 by DavidM
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With all the Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas iteam for sale at the sametime in the stores they should call it Hallogivemas sale.
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10-30-2018 00:33 by Haha
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Roses are red, facebook is blue no mutual friends, who the hell are you?
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10-29-2018 22:48 by Moon
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You know you're relationship is in trouble when you realize you care more about your dog than your significant other.
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10-29-2018 22:40 by Jacob
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Halloween isn't the only day people have trouble desiding what to be.
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10-29-2018 21:57
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Kids, here's how to get double candy on Halloween. Put on your costume. Then cover it with a sheet. Go to door the first time as ghost. Take sheet off go back again with other costume. Bam double candy. Happy Halloween.
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10-29-2018 16:25 by Haha
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People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?

Sometimes I turn to Vodka Sometimes I turn to God either way I'm guided by spirit
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10-29-2018 12:53
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I'm still trying to find where that gold is at in these "the golden years"

Girls love surprises until they get a finger in da butt...
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10-28-2018 14:25
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I love Halloween. You get free candy without having to get into anyone's van.
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10-28-2018 11:26
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Halloween is like any other day. People pretending to be someone their not.
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10-28-2018 06:56 by Haha
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Show up JUST ONCE at the office wearing a grey jumpsuit and a hockey mask and they ask you to NEVER COME BACK!!!
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10-27-2018 20:21
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I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.
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10-27-2018 19:43 by Bindi
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I cut my finger today while changing the spark plugs and oil filter in my car. I guess it is possible to get blood out of a tuneup.
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10-27-2018 14:09
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Whoever coined the phrase, "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
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10-27-2018 07:47
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To 16:58 commet, you're right. Teacher: "How much is a gram?" Tyronne: "It denpends on what you want."
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10-26-2018 17:14
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I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.
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10-26-2018 15:59
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Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew its descendant would be a pug. That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
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10-26-2018 12:17
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Baking bread basically involves creating a rich and warm environment for a species to thrive and then initiating a mass extinction event.
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10-26-2018 10:33
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