Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Great Halloween costume idea for couples: Go in a tandem Titanic costume, then get into a big fight halfway thru the night and break up

   Lou Dobbs, where is Whakhulaaaah Mexico?

   the world that tramp lives in any wheres near the land of OZ?

   It should be a Thanksgiving tradition that one of the football games be the Patriots vs the Redskins.

   I finally finished my 2017 Thanksgiving leftovers. And in 22 days, it starts all over again.

   Best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their Halloween candy.

   I had to quit drinking caffeine on DOCTOR'S orders and Alcohol on COURT orders.

   Red sox clinch world series. L.A. Dodgers won't have to go to white house. So who's the real winner?

   Everyone knows that one "special" person who's so well rounded they're pointless"

   I'm going to be an endangered species this year for Halloween.... An english speaking troubleshooting operator .

   If I see 1 more person texting and driving,I'm rolling down my window and throwing my bong at them..

   I'm surprised the weather channel hasn't started naming the caravans......

   With all the Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas iteam for sale at the sametime in the stores they should call it Hallogivemas sale.

   Roses are red, facebook is blue no mutual friends, who the hell are you?

   You know you're relationship is in trouble when you realize you care more about your dog than your significant other.

   Halloween isn't the only day people have trouble desiding what to be.

   Kids, here's how to get double candy on Halloween. Put on your costume. Then cover it with a sheet. Go to door the first time as ghost. Take sheet off go back again with other costume. Bam double candy. Happy Halloween.

   People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?

   Sometimes I turn to Vodka Sometimes I turn to God either way I'm guided by spirit

   I'm still trying to find where that gold is at in these "the golden years"