Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Bristol Palin is not amused with Tina Fey's impression of her mother, Sarah Palin. Perhaps it's was Sarah Palin doing an impression on Tina Fey. No one ever thinks about that.

   I actually never like to touch baby carrots,,, because I'm afraid the mother will reject them.

   Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your Mother

   A daughter asked her mother how to spell pinus, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

   Hey 2015... Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, you Dirty Mother Fucker!!!

   My mother in-law is letting me renovate her kitchen. My wife told me to get the cupboards from that Scandinavian company with the short name. Turns out it was IKEA not LEGO,

   My Mother in law Joined ISIS this morning.. She leaves tomorrow on a suicide mission.. At least that's what the papers I just signed said ..

   Why is it that a lot of the people who think everyone is too easily offended these days act like you just insulted their mother by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?

   In mother Russia, Turkey shoots you for Thanksgiving

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   Apparently today is Mother-In-Law day. Who knew

   Fun Fact: It took 4 trips back in time before Marty McFly was able to resist having sex with his mother.

   When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.

   Actually, Yes! I do want to see a picture of your Mother-In-Law Eli. Your wife is hot!

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying "You're not pregnant, have a nice day!"

   Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....

   "Sorry, her mother is a pterodactyl" ..... *Me with the screeching toddler in the grocery store.

   Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...

   Thanks to Facebook I met everyone's mother today

   Nothing say's "Happy Mother's Day" like a uterus shaped pizza!