Funny Status Messages

   Never buy my grandchildren's christmas presents in november. They really seem fun...and Christmas is in more than a month...oh what the heck: I have to try them. It's party time!

   I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲

   Good cooks don’t bake pies that taste like scented candles. cc: Darlene Van Der Pooten

   Research has suggested that the internet has made us less intelligent and less patient. I don't understand that so I'm moving on.

   my dad calls me BJ because that's all I was ever supposed to be :(

   It’s not unusual to get Tom Jones songs stuck in your head.

   They say a man's "member" can be gauged by the size of their feet. That maybe why my sister dates clowns.

   Get your copy of "Who's Boat is this Boat" today!

   Girlfriend asked me to come to her place for a Black Friday special. All clothes were 100% off.

   I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.

   Some people are like that annoying advert that suddenly cuts in the middle of a viral video.

   If I get addicted to eating cold turkey, idk how i'm going to quit

   Everyone romaine calm and lettuce pray.

   Guess it's time to throw out the leftovers from last Thanksgiving...

   I don't usually cook... does anyone know how much vodka to put into mashed potatoes

   Establish dominance by waiting until your wife serves the turkey and then tell her you already ate.

   What if we boil the lettuce first?

   I talk a lot about sex for someone who doesn’t remember it.

   Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.

   Maybe I talk to myself because I'm my own therapist