Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 686 of 6446

   messageicon My mother never saw the iorny in calling me a s.o.b.
←Rate | 01-03-2019 02:48 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't have an address on your house to make it easy to find then you need to address that!
←Rate | 01-02-2019 20:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Angry after wasting 5 hours trying to craft a beer joke.... " This was entirely hopless!"
←Rate | 01-02-2019 20:17 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does it seem that most of the women and men who rant at people just minding their own business are overweight, have missing teeth and uneducated?
←Rate | 01-02-2019 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years resolution, to screw them before they screw me.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 15:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon t takes me about 15 hours to fully wake up in the morning
←Rate | 01-02-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always contradict myself but when I do I don't
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The sooner you give up on me, the easier this will be for both of us.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:34 Comments (2)  


   messageicon How the hell did we go from “Mexico will pay for the wall” to not paying government workers until the American Taxpayers pay for the wall?
←Rate | 01-02-2019 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't failed, I just found several ways it won't work.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 06:34 by Joker Comments (1)  


   messageicon Make sure to put the letter "L" in the world clocks when you google grandfather clocks.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 05:55 by Joker Comments (1)  


   messageicon If "HE" were an indian, his name would be Talking Buttocks.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 04:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump is an inspiration to me that an unattractive man can get a wife.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 00:16 Comments (2)  


   messageicon May the Kool-Aid be strong with you.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 23:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a menu item costs a dollar, you give up all rights to complain about it, even if it has pubes in it...
←Rate | 01-01-2019 20:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where I don't party hard I party mildly.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 14:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just want to wish everyone a happy new year!....in case you missed the million posts before this one saying the same thing.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 13:50 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call my pecker Whitesnake because here I go again on my own.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 13:40 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left