Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 685 of 6382
There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.
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07-14-2018 12:47
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Not to brag, but in some circles I am known as “That chick who always knocks stuff over.”
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07-14-2018 12:46
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When the queen's butler announce that it was tea time. Trump said to the queen " Oh, You play golf too?
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07-14-2018 02:48
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I am 32 yrs old. I just googled what "Gluten" was. I had no idea.....
Someone gave me a free pen without their knowledge today. Well, I took a pen.
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07-13-2018 21:47
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Hey YouTube, just because I watched one Jimmy Kimmel clip doesn't mean I want to watch every show ever ...
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07-13-2018 15:16
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"Just rewards: Being the judge that willbe judging a hearing of your high school bully."
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07-13-2018 02:04
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The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
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07-13-2018 01:37
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Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
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07-13-2018 01:35
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What kind of psychopath scrambles their eggs in the pan rather than before they’re put in the pan?
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07-13-2018 00:39
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I’m the way I am because of that very first time I sneezed and no one blessed me.
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07-13-2018 00:38
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Do you know the two words that can wreck a man's life? ...... I do.
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07-13-2018 00:37 by Jake
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Do you know the two words that can wreck a man's life?......... I do.
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07-13-2018 00:21 by Jake
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"Wonder why no one came to the kamikaze pilot's reunion dinner."
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07-12-2018 23:58
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Assuming intelligence on some people is a big mistake you will regret.
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07-12-2018 23:55
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My bar buddy ask me have you ever made a decison without knowing all the information you needed to know? I said sure I have..... I got married.
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07-12-2018 20:42 by Jake
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On Sunday France plays Croatia... Their defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War II record...
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07-12-2018 20:22 by XX-FOXY
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It's so hot out that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.
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07-12-2018 20:17 by Jake
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My bar buddy ask me have you ever made a decison without knowing all the facts? I said I sure have....... I got married.
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07-12-2018 20:13 by Jake
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It's so hot that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.
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07-12-2018 20:08 by Jake
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