Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 681 of 6382
The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up
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07-21-2018 11:34
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Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
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07-21-2018 03:10 by Jake
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Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.
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07-21-2018 00:52 by Jake
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My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.
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07-21-2018 00:27 by Jake
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Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.
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07-20-2018 22:42 by Jake
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"Read a weather book about rainbows called Rainbows by Sunny Showers."
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07-20-2018 21:54
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My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.
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07-20-2018 20:42 by Jake
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"Why is trump so hard on fake news? After fake news is what got him elected.
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07-20-2018 20:07
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I wonder what other phone calls Cohen has recorded?
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07-20-2018 16:53
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Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.
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07-20-2018 14:47
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I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.
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07-20-2018 14:25
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The music band, Queen, said they misspoke on one of their song lyrics. They meant to say, We WON'T Rock You.
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07-20-2018 12:59
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I'm so poor growing up that we couldn't afford hamburger helper so we bought beef assistant.
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07-20-2018 11:29 by R.Riley
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You've got my Word.
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07-20-2018 07:43
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What if the Russians really did hack the elections and foiled the Left's plan to rig the election and now they are mad at Trump
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07-19-2018 16:03
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In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.
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07-19-2018 14:15 by Jake
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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
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07-19-2018 13:27
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If there was such a thing as a tax on brains Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would be due a refund.
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07-19-2018 08:24
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I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab people with my head.
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07-19-2018 07:29
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Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
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07-19-2018 00:30 by Jake
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