Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pets are animals that aren’t delicious.

   To the Pope. Just let priests get married so they won't have to be gay with little boys!

   These Cheetos are gluten free so yeah, you could say I'm a health nut.

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   What do I remember about the midget that attacked me. Very little.

   Imagine having an IQ low enough to enjoy watching love island.

   If you fart and it doesn't stink, should you be concern?

   Dear men, Life without women...... Would literally be a pain in the a$$!

   If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.....

   If you gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.

   My stock in Memorex and Maxell is going up again. Way to go White house staff !

   I'm downtown and my prescription for my glasses just ran out...now I can't find my F#$@%^ing Car..

   Girl who pushed friend off bridge Is charged after new footage emerges. This would have been prevented if the victim had a gun.

   "If he hasn't pissed you off yet, give him some time, he will."

   Don’t be silly. Those bodies were there when I bought the place.

   I’m white, but not ‘get married in a barn’ white.

   So....what do you think of your military parade now?

   "You're never too old to learn something stupid."

   Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?

   My girlfriend says I spend far too much time on foreplay!...so I'd better pull my finger out!