Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I refused to buy my 6 year old nephew a Barbie doll for his birthday because I believe that Barbie dolls give little boys unrealistic expectations. There is no way you could rip a woman’s head off that easily.

   Have you solved the PUZZLE or are you still looking for the pieces ?

   You ever read a girl status and wished someone would just treat her right so she'd just stfu

   Out of all the utensils to eat rice with how the f*@k did 2 sticks win?

   Counting to ten when you are angry always works better if you are counting punches to somebody's face.

   "He who has not learn to obey, can not be a great leader."

   my girlfriend thinks I am afraid of commitment my wife on the other hand...

   no one could ever hate me half as much as I dont care

   Saw a new woman's talk show called "The Woman's Talk hour." It's on weekdays from 1pm to 3:30pm.

   "This isn't my first rodeo." -Me, at my second rodeo

   I love the fact that "Take Out" means food, dating, and murder.

   What is it that you have that other people use more often than you do?....... Your name :)

   Back in the day google was the encylopedia.

   Does anyone else ever wonder why the game uno doesn’t have the rest of the cards in Spanish?

   Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!

   As a driver, I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian, I hate drivers. But no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

   Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.

   If I've learned anything after working in I.T. for twenty five years it's that Dilbert is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.

   when a friend messages you a GIF image for your birthday, is that a birthday GIFt ?

   Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."