Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 663 of 6446

I'm Irish for a day.
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03-17-2019 13:26
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To celebrate St Patrick's Day, I think I'll go to my favorite Irish restaurant. McDonalds.
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03-17-2019 01:39
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No one hits me with an egg and gets away with it!
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03-17-2019 00:04
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Dear Netflix, I like the foreign movies you play but nein sprechen sie Deutsch, so please stop playing one's without subtitles I don't understand.
Thanks
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03-16-2019 20:58
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As a parent my diet over the year has primarily consisted of all the food my kids have left on their plates.
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03-16-2019 20:28 by CoolguyB
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Sorry I can never be serous on facebook as it's just a website that shouldn't be taken too seriously. Like seriously.
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03-16-2019 09:36 by Moon
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Devil worshipers crack me up. Why would you worship a diety that lost a fiddle contest to some Georgia hillbilly?
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03-16-2019 07:41
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Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn." Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
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03-16-2019 07:11
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Some of these self proclaimed “Instagram models” look like their birthstone is crystal meth
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03-15-2019 18:20
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The difference between men and women is that men insult each other but don't really mean it and women compliment each other but don't really mean it.
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03-15-2019 08:20
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So...Laveon Bell turned down $70M from the Steelers, sat out a year w/o pay and signed with the Jets for $50M. No wonder those guys always go broke...
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03-15-2019 08:15
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Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
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03-15-2019 07:01
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Alcohol kills!....But on the bright side of that, if it wasn't for alcohol most of my friend's would have never been born.
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03-15-2019 00:51 by Moon
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420 - 0, what a great number.
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03-14-2019 12:27
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Today, I lied, lied about lying, changed my mind, lied about changing my mind, changed my mind about lying, blamed someone for something I did, lied about blaming someone, took a breath, and lied.
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03-14-2019 12:08 by DJT
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Πr² ? No. Pie are round. Brownie are square.
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03-14-2019 11:32
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With facebook down I went back to doing those little things we sometimes overlook while it's up, like keeping the dishes from polling up in the sink, folding the laundry on top of the dryer, finishing reading those books I started reading and showering.
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03-14-2019 10:28 by Moon
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Facebook's down and I am poised at conquering the world!
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03-14-2019 10:25 by Moon
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I saw a woman at Walmart
with March Madness teeth..
She was down to the final four.
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03-14-2019 09:58
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Dude!
That cross-eyed girl at the bar
is looking at you...... And me...
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03-14-2019 09:19
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