santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   ‎5 reasons hurricanes are like Christmas...5) Family & friends out-of state-calling you 4) Last minute shopping in crowded stores 3) Days off from work 2) Candles 1) And at some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

   My girlfriend called me sad because I always plan things months in advance. That's her off my Christmas card list!

   Manager: A room with double bed? But sir you are alone? Santa: Yes, It is just that I wish to enjoy the silence from the other bed.

   I've just popped down with my floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, last years Xmas tree. It's the perfect tribute, 5 & a half feet, dead & surrounded by needles.

   172 days, 1 hour and 25 minutes until christmas! But hey, whos counting

   Just filled up my gas tank and now I have to explain to the kids I don't have why there won't be a Christmas this year.

   I'm pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.

   Dear my money tree, why must thou look like the charlie brown christmas tree?

   You might as well do your Christmas hinting early...

   Due to public service cutbacks, the Rapture is simply going to be based on Santa's Naughty/Nice List.

   I thought about being atheist...then I realized they dont have any holidays

   so the Bible says the world is going to end May 21, 2011.. Santa Claus always said the Mayan's got the date right years ago. well thats what the Easter bunny told me....

   Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too!

   When you're parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say; SANTA CLAUSE! EASTER BUNNY! TOOTH FAIRY!"

   Ahh the Sunday after Easter... Catholics forgot where church was already, see you at Christmas!

   it me or does Harry look like the bully from A Christmas Story?

   Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, seemed to like the rich families more. Who liked the poor families more? the Stork.

   You can't change ONE second of the past , and who knows what tomorrow will bring but today is the present , and presents are gifts we should all cherish !!

   I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering: Horse? Catapult? Tooth Fairy? Santa?

   You know telling the kids that the Easter bunny is watching just doesn't have the same power as Santa's watching!!!