love Funny Status Messages

   As I scroll through my FB feed this holiday season, I find myself overcome with emotion and love. And then I remember I've had a lot of tequila and eggnog and I pass out on the floor.

   Man I hate Taylor Swift..I mean don't you wanna put her over your knee and spank her azz,,,her tight, firm, round azz,,,and pull her hair,,,her soft, flowing beautiful hair,,,man I love Taylor Swift.

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   I love tequila because I like where I wake up to be a surprise.

   I "don't lock my phone," love you.

   Dear facebook event invite: I'd love nothing more than to travel 1100 miles to see your half a$$ed band play other people's music in a bar that's filled with 4 people. DECLINE!

   Don't you love that moment when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide?

   If you love her, let her go out drinking with her friends.. If she calls you drunk, she is yours.. If she turns off her cell, she never was.

   I love your personality!!! Especially when your not talking is my favorite!!! JW

   Men, just because she loves your c ock doesn't mean she's in love with u

   Ladies; Just because he had an erection doesn't mean he's in love with you.

   That thin line beween ‘I love you' and bullshi t.

   Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..

   They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.

   Someone told me: Don't fall in love, you might get hurt. I said: Don't live, you might die..

   I once asked an old man: Which is more important to love or to be loved? He replied: which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing?

   I love the taste of tuna, but I'm not a fan of the smell. This is true about something else as well, but I can't put my finger in it. Hmm.

   success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

   If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk

   Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn't answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.