Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 653 of 6446

I was so drunk last night the cops pulled somebody over on T.V and I put my beer under the couch.
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05-20-2019 20:44
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I take all the credit when we win and blames all the losses on everyone else. That's what makes me normal.
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05-20-2019 17:30
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New strategy for college students: Incur as much debt as you can and hope some billionaire pays it off.
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05-20-2019 15:10
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You are Dust, and unto Dust you shall return. That's why I don't dust my furniture. It might be someone I know.
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05-20-2019 09:39
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if you have to use a snapchat filter for over half of your Facebook pictures, you know you're ugly
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05-19-2019 16:32 by Eddy
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We were lucky that we didnt have Exit Polls during our school times.Otherwise, our parents would have started thrashing us 3-4 days in advance of results
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05-19-2019 15:35
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spoiler alert...tonight HBO dies
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05-19-2019 12:53 by Eddy
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So, if a cow doesn't produce milk, does that make it a Milk Dud or an Udder Failure?
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05-19-2019 11:37
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I can’t wait for the day when all the DJ Khaled fans turn 30 years old. Music today absolutely blows and he’s the leader. Just because you can push a button and yell a random phrase like “go n get it” does not make you an artist.
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05-19-2019 00:36 by Cicci
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If you think you can win me over with just food music and a pretty face your damn right!
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05-18-2019 09:37 by Moon
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Now the women of Alabama are pissed off at the governor and threatens to votes Dems next time. Greatest reality show ever!
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05-17-2019 11:39
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Spoiler Alert: Penny strangles Sheldon to death on the last episode of The Big Bang Theory.
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05-16-2019 22:03 by Cicci
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If I were a cosmetic surgeon my slogan would be, "We can change your bottom line"
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05-16-2019 16:00
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Each and every time I hear someone say "Each and every..." I think, "How superfluous".
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05-16-2019 15:58
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When I was younger I wanted to play guitar really badly. And after lots of hard work and practice, I now play the guitar really badly.
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05-16-2019 14:46 by DJJackson
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Goo Goo Dolls are opening for Lady Gaga. Fans are sure to go Goo Goo Gaga over it.
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05-16-2019 12:47 by DJJackson
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A woman knocked on my door collecting for a feminist organization. So I gave her some Razors.
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05-15-2019 08:16
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How sad it must be when people have no choice but to believe the nonsense that scientists have devoted their entire lives to deceiving you...
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05-14-2019 15:53
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If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
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05-14-2019 14:21
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It's not always the one that got away that troubles me the most, as sometimes it's the one that won't go away.
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05-14-2019 13:37 by moon
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