Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When they kneel during the National Anthem, we should stop the music and announce "Since we are kneeling, let us pray."
←Rate | 07-10-2019 08:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven’t dreaded a Monday this bad in a long time. It’s been at least 7 days.
←Rate | 07-10-2019 00:38 by @dski90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll tell you one thing. If someone called me "insecure" I wouldn't spend three days having a hissy-fit over it.
←Rate | 07-09-2019 13:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I was inside of a woman I was visiting the statue of liberty.
←Rate | 07-09-2019 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stayed up all night trying to remember if I had Amnesia or Insomnia.
←Rate | 07-09-2019 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife made me a plate of calamari in exchange for helping her clean out her closet. It was a squid pro quo.
←Rate | 07-08-2019 21:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is ridiculous its July 8th... Neighbors are still shooting off fireworks, one almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire..
←Rate | 07-08-2019 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone have a Volkswagen Beetle? Could I borrow it for an afternoon to drive around and count how many people I see punch one another?
←Rate | 07-08-2019 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: I miss you KIDNAPPER: Look. I got the ransom money, your family got you back. It's done. Stop calling me.
←Rate | 07-07-2019 08:15 by kisstoper707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just burnt 550 calories without doing anything. And that's the last time I look at Facebook with pizza in the oven!
←Rate | 07-06-2019 14:32 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're mad about The Little Mermaid not being white, wait until you hear about Jesus.
←Rate | 07-06-2019 10:51 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. Well, it’s true. After going to the gym this morning, I’ve decided I’m never going again.
←Rate | 07-05-2019 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever feel like the best thing in the world happens to you at the worst times?
←Rate | 07-05-2019 00:18 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just want to wish all my single friends out there a very happy Independence Day!
←Rate | 07-04-2019 09:06 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which one of you guys posted that ass ugly selfie that broke facebook??
←Rate | 07-04-2019 08:13 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship Status? Facebook going down today was the first thing to go down on me in years
←Rate | 07-03-2019 23:35 by Rob Comments (0)  


   messageicon My goal is to accomplish something productive each and every day! Oh but wait, first I have to logout of Facebook.....
←Rate | 07-03-2019 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey everyone. Remember to leave out a riffle and some Budweiser, this 4th of July eve, or Kid Rock won't bring you any fireworks.
←Rate | 07-03-2019 14:45 Comments (1)  


   messageicon For $95M we could've had like 5 more episodes of Game of Thrones, and there would be better pyrotechnics.
←Rate | 07-03-2019 12:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon These Kenyan Airlines passengers seem to be down to Earth guys?
←Rate | 07-03-2019 09:39 by Truman Comments (0)  




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