Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 645 of 6382
“Did you just walk past my house, you piece of sheet?” - dogs
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10-21-2018 06:40
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him: you’re not like other girls me, at the urinal next to him: how
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10-21-2018 06:38
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this one time I saw a vegas hypnotist who told the audience he was going to turn me into a sad, depressed dummycrat loser who makes dumb jokes on a dying website for zero money & I was like give it ur best shot, Mezmo the Great
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10-21-2018 06:37
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“Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada
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10-21-2018 06:35
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Canadian cattle can now legally graze on cannabis plants. The steaks have never been higher.
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10-21-2018 06:34
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I just went through the $10 carwash by myself without any kids and it was the best vacation I've been on in 4 years.
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10-21-2018 06:33
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KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal Me: Family?
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10-21-2018 06:32
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I can feel my gut hanging out of my t-shirt but it's hidden by my hoodie so basically my secret identity is Winnie the Pooh.
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10-21-2018 06:32
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If I had a pet unicorn, I'd probably just use it to carry my donuts around.
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10-21-2018 06:31
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My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!
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10-21-2018 05:44 by Truman
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Drink beer while you can still afford it.
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10-21-2018 02:54
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What's trump's favorite cereal? Cheeri O's, the cereal made for little hands.
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10-21-2018 01:40 by IDTN
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Q: What do "Deadliest Catch" and "Jersey Shore" have in common? A: They're two reality TV shows about catching crabs.
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10-20-2018 23:53
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instead of talking about who people whould vote for, maybe gef off social media and actually go put and vote if you want change
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10-20-2018 19:57
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Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
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10-20-2018 17:47
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The circumference of a pumpkin divided by it's diameter = pumpkin pi...
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10-20-2018 16:59 by Gabe
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First rule of Fight Club:
Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!
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10-20-2018 16:14 by Truman
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There is strength in loyalty; not in numbers.
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10-20-2018 10:04
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The key to success is concentration, a skill which can be learned with - oh wow, that cloud looks like Snoopy!
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10-20-2018 09:09
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I just bought a new Jeep. I named it Elizabeth Warren because it's all white yet says it's a Cherokee.