Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them.

   "sniffing glue, going to the zoo, gonna free all the kangaroos. Suck it Dr. Seuss!"

   laying in the road dressed as a deer

   eating the papers inside his books hoping that it will go straight to his brain

   thinking so what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.

   more frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watchin' a donut roll down a hill..

   pulling up his pants..and saying no to crack

   naked and playing twister with the cat .

   letting you know your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory

   naked under his clothes

   If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

   your perfect drug

   clapping her hands and stomping her feet because she is happy and she knows it.

   Pondering the effects of the Reconciliation Budget law on osteopathic medical education

   the walrus

   brought to you by the letters W T F.

   looking at you naked (mood: disappointed)

   like a lawyer with the way he is always trying to get you off

   "coming up next, right after this brief message."

   waiting for the men in white coats to come.