Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Uber, but they come and pick up people that don’t stop talking
←Rate | 08-02-2019 04:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it..
←Rate | 08-02-2019 03:00 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dentist said I need a crown. Finally someone who understands me!
←Rate | 08-01-2019 20:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't know about you, but I love paying $1,600 on an iPhone. Thank you, who ever is in charge.
←Rate | 08-01-2019 17:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my wife why she married me. She said “Because you are funny.” I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See? You’re hilarious!” FML
←Rate | 08-01-2019 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taking a dog named "Shark" to the beach is a very bad idea.
←Rate | 08-01-2019 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided who I'm going to vote which is, none of facebook's damn business.
←Rate | 07-31-2019 20:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to be as happy as the characters in any horror movie are during the first half hour of the film.
←Rate | 07-31-2019 04:40 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon my dr says to eat a piece of meat no bigger than the palm of my hand...good thing the Big Mac is stacked
←Rate | 07-30-2019 19:59 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's strange that it's socially acceptable for me to get into a swimming pool with a complete stranger but when I do the same thing in a bathtub, all of a sudden I'm "under arrest".
←Rate | 07-30-2019 14:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a good NOVA documentary on Netflix about black holes that will just suck you in.
←Rate | 07-30-2019 13:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can I lick the beater? Is what I ask when my wife is giving me a hand job.
←Rate | 07-30-2019 13:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, we used to call tobacco stores and ask "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" And when they said "Yes we do" we'd say "Well why don't you let him out!?"
←Rate | 07-30-2019 13:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm not reading between the lines, I'm reading the lines.
←Rate | 07-29-2019 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder how there could be a Facebook group on Facebook calledFacebookers Anonymous which must be like trying to hold his successful AA meeting in a bar.
←Rate | 07-29-2019 21:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When an object is not symmetrical, it is called asymmetrical. When an organism doesn't use sex to reproduce, it is classified as asexual. So therefore, my conclusion is if a person doesn't have a soul, they are an asoul.
←Rate | 07-29-2019 09:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens when you throw a Finnish sailor overboard? Helsinki
←Rate | 07-28-2019 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironically, the mullet was probably created to STOP necks from getting red.
←Rate | 07-28-2019 18:23 by MMTM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying a store brand version of Frosted Flakes which I just have to say are GRRRRRRRRRoss!
←Rate | 07-28-2019 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I woke up this morning my wife said "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
←Rate | 07-28-2019 12:03 Comments (0)  




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