Funny Status Messages

   doesn't have a microwave oven but he does have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff

   's friend was hit by a Dodge, which he/she found both funny and ironic.

   thinks nothing is better than pooing at work...you're getting paid to poo!

   not even supposed to be here today

   training for his fight with Apollo Creed

   Jumped up for no apparent reason. Have not returned to the ground yet.

   having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think ive remembered this before.

   If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!!

   trying to kick the habit.... but nicotine gum is a hard habit to break...

   Nothing to prove & very little to lose

   Celebrities walk on the red carpet because they're famous, I walk on toilet paper cuz I'm the sh**!

   finally done with his taxes and has come to the conclusion that taxation WITH respresentation isn't that great either!

   a pocket full of sunshine.

   played golf today...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...

   waiting on the kool-aid guy to burst through my wall!

   now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car.

   used to live in the real world but he got evicted

   receives sound advice from girlfriends. 99% sound, 1% advice.

   still misses someone. But his aim is improving!

   stopped to think and forgot to start again