Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   100 percent natural

   going over his plans for world domination and all those who have crossed him in the past will be unmercifully slaughtered....have a great day!!

   in your garden, peeing on your tomatoes...

   your father smells of elder berries

   celebating....aaaaaah! crap I forgot an R! I am celebrating

   looks life a flower but stings like a bee.

   hitting you one more time baby.

   wants to be a millionaire.

   lives in a pineapple under the sea.

   blames it on the alcohol.

   Some People are like slinkies,, not good for anything, but fun to watch tunmble down stairs(:

   Thinks your so vain you proberly think this status is about you!

   drinking tequila in the shower....09:07 AM

   vertically challenged

   not the empire but I still strike back...

   knows that your husband isn't realy taking tennis lessons on Sundays...

   needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to punch you in the face." Put it beside the "Like" button. Just a suggestion.

   tired of following his dreams, he/she is just gonna ask where they are going and hook up with them later

   walked into a shop this morning when the woman working said "if you need anything, I'm Jill". I haven't met anyone with a conditional identity before.

   Change is inevitable... Unless your a vending machine