Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 637 of 6382
If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.
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11-14-2018 11:44
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Sorry you brought logic to a wife fight
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11-14-2018 11:35
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Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
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11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman
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I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
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11-13-2018 14:16
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Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
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11-13-2018 14:11
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Don't believe your eyes or military satellite photos. Just blindly believe what a guy tells you. If you do, then please contact me so I can sell you shares in my unicorn ranch.
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11-13-2018 13:36
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And remember kids...it's on Facebook so it must be true!
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11-13-2018 13:36
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I think some of my friends are completely irrational and make bad decisions, and we should hang out more.
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11-13-2018 13:35 by Moon
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I'm working hard to become free... I'm over half way through my Halloween candy already.
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11-13-2018 12:24 by Frank
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When my wife is angry with me, she'll not only stops talking to me, she'll also send me blank tex messages.
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11-13-2018 01:22 by Ha.ha
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. Fun fact Smokey the bear's original name was Hotfoot Teddy.
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11-12-2018 23:00 by Fun.Fact
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In a world where you can do anything, do it over there.
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11-12-2018 10:57
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Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
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11-12-2018 10:44
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When you use the self-service checkout lanes at Wal-mart, you should get a discount like you do when you buy self-service gasoline.
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11-12-2018 10:17
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If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
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11-12-2018 09:56
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Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
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11-12-2018 09:56
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Some recipes are like science fiction. I read to the end and think "Well, that's not going to happen."
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11-12-2018 09:05
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If one despises losers, and one is a loser. Does that loser despise them self ?
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11-12-2018 05:14
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Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
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11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha
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Aggravation: Trying to get a vending machine to take a wrinkled dollar bill.
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11-11-2018 22:24 by Ha.ha
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