Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 637 of 6446

have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better or did we just stop with corn
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:58
Comments (0)

If you get caught about to eat food off the floor, just pretend you lost your contact.
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:57
Comments (0)

Ask your doctor if asking your wife what she did all day is right for you
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:47
Comments (0)

I do this weird thing where I feel fabulous then I have to get out of bed
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:45
Comments (0)

What's it like to have 5 kids? Imagine the noise at a Jamba Juice and none of the blenders have lids.
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:45
Comments (0)

Tom Cruise is short for tomato filled cruise ship
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:44
Comments (0)

If you date a guy long enough he'll start to sound like your dad when you were in junior high: "Have fun! Be safe! Call me when you get there! Don’t talk to boys!”
←Rate |
08-14-2019 05:43
Comments (0)

Apart from shopping and other men, what do women want ??
←Rate |
08-14-2019 01:00
Comments (0)

Anyone who thinks Donald Trump represents God has a very low opinion of God.
←Rate |
08-13-2019 17:40
Comments (0)

if I had 10 cookies, and you took half, what would you have? ... THAT'S RIGHT!! A black eye and a broken hand!!!
←Rate |
08-13-2019 15:27 by Fluff!!
Comments (0)

You still talk to your ex? I call BS on that!
←Rate |
08-13-2019 11:47
Comments (0)

My Ex knows enough to have the Clintons put away . Just putting this out .
←Rate |
08-13-2019 11:36
Comments (0)

I can't believe we have a president that had sex with porn stars and wants a space army, and I still hate him.
←Rate |
08-13-2019 09:45
Comments (0)

Dont try to change to please someone else. Love yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself, and be your own person, and someone will love you just they way you are!.....Unless of course your just a narcissistic jerk. Then by all.means, change!
←Rate |
08-13-2019 08:49
Comments (0)

A friend is typing.....
A grand is typing.....
A friend is typing.....
A friend is typing.....
A friend is typing.....
Friend says lol
←Rate |
08-13-2019 08:22 by Moon
Comments (0)

Welcome to the Resistance, Scaramucci. Better late than never.
←Rate |
08-13-2019 07:00
Comments (0)

My Chinese neighbor man was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner last night. But someone let the "cat" out of the bag.
←Rate |
08-13-2019 06:58
Comments (0)

My husband is bringing our puppy to the Farmer's Market to socialize her. I am staying home and adding vodka to my coffee to socialize me.
←Rate |
08-12-2019 08:34
Comments (0)

: The only indoor security camera that I have is inside my fridge, I want to capture the face of whoever steals my cheesecake.
←Rate |
08-12-2019 08:33
Comments (0)

besides smashing their face with a hammer, any other cures for snoring?
←Rate |
08-12-2019 08:32
Comments (0)