Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   changed his/her relationship status to "None of you damn business"

   Since saying "Happy New Year" doesn't seem to give people much luck, she's going to say "Have a bad New Year" and turn thier luck around!

   trying to think of a new year's resolution that she will remember for the whole year

   HDTV: where the channels are still crap..but a much clearer and colorful crap.

   I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours

   blew all his christmas money on hookers and cocaine.....

   They say bears are attracted to women on thier menstral cycle. Brave bears! Women don't have anything to worry about though because I think a 800 pound bear against a 100 pound women with cramps, it's pretty much a even fight don't ya think? In fact my mo

   Lady Gaga is the reason why waldo is hiding.

   A gas station is a place where you sometimes fill the car, but more often drain the kids

   Recent reports indicate MuhamedBob FlarePants was both lonely and depressed. Do you mean all we have to end the war on terror is to prescribe them Prozac and give them a puppy?

   resolves to do the "Pull my finger" thing more in 2010. That's really what made 2009 one of my best years yet!

   bout to go save the world............it's the only place with chocolate

   Applied to be a Porn Star...Was told I'm over qualified.

   Many advertisers are taking Tiger Woods' name out of their advertisements because the association is becoming too embarrassing. In a related story, New Jersey is thinking of removing their name from the Nets.

   Walking through walmart filling a cart with one item from every isle then leavin it at customer service. Then I am taking carts out to fill the parking lot stalls to give the 20 employees standing around something to do.

   thinks that there's gotta be a Heaven, cause I've already done my time in Hell.

   "my #1 New Year's Resolution is to make sure that my New Year's Resolution list does NOT expire in about a month.."

   officially have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are alphabetical order. AS THEY SHOULD BE.

   LEAVING CAPS LOCK ON UNTIL 2010

   tried living every day as if it was his last, but all that did was ruin his credit.