Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.

   just started my new job as an Historian this morning. I've got a big day behind me.

   says roses are red, violets are blue, you're my facebook friend, but I don't like you.

   Would like to fist pump "The Situation" right in face!!

   wondering why Band*Aid doesnt make ethnically colored bandages

   should have been a Solid Gold dancer

   annoyed that he can't play UNO. The Mexican's keep stealing my green cards.

   if history repeats itself then she guesses she won't be rich and famous in her next life!

   Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,

   when the river runs red, take the dirt road...

   ..can't wait for a nice English summer. The warmth,the sun,the clear blue skies..it will be a nice couple of days...

   The Only Crimson Tide A Longhorn Fan is Afraid of Comes Once A Month From His Wife Or Girlfriend!

   I know Floyd Mayweather likes to dodge but this is ridiculous!

   still accidentaly writes 2009 instead of 2010... and this will probably continue until the end of February.

   if it weren't for Angels & Demons I never would of known that priests make excellent helicopter pilots and they even know how to skydive, go figure.

   brought to you today by the neighbor's router

   finds it interesting that most of the girls in the sex addiction meetings are either Pentecostal or Mennonite's

   note to self: learn that the word voltage is a bad thing before placing hands on the cables

   To who ever invented the padded bra... THANK YOU

   has decided instead of skinny dipping she'll go chunky dunking.