Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only thing I won't eat for breakfast is lunch and supper!

   Love is blind. Hate is deaf. You'd think Stupid would be mute but I keep on talking.

   If actions speak louder than words,then why can't I hear mimes?

   Stealth Abs - When your ripped six pack is covered by a layer of fat.

   My Imaginary friend asked he could bring his Imaginary friend round, but I thought 3 was a crowd so I said no!

   On 1 August 1981, MTV played the 1st music video "Video Killed the Radio Star". On Feb. 23 1992 "(18 years ago today) MTV played the 1st reality show "the Real World New York" and so began a metaphorical song "Reality Killed the Video star"!

   thinking that the Canadian ice dancers did something that their hockey team couldn't do: beat the U.S....

   when you're in a hole, it's best to stop digging

   I think I just solved our health care crisis. Everybody eat one apple every day.

   does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle

   ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

   we go together like pimps hands and hoes faces

   true understanding can only be achieved through a balanced application of both head and heart...

   The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.

   wondering why that frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

   Life is like a warm cookie, you think you got it in one peice then it all crumbles

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   Man, good thing the Obama family got that dog. I'm pretty sure Sasha and Malia were tired of throwing frisbees at Joe Biden.

   wants you to know that these are in fact Bugle Boy jeans he's wearing.