Funny Status Messages

   Wondering “if a milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” then “what brings all the girls to the yard?”…well whatever it is I'll have a glass of that!!!

   According to the segment on American Idol's "Idol Gives Back", they just showed $10 was able to purchase 90 lbs of food. Where do these people shop? I can't do that at Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place.

   thinks that "beer" might be the real magic word. Forget about "please" (unless, of course, it is following "beer"...)

   Girl, you are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts

   saving money and not getting the iPad .Instead I bought a magnifying glass for my iPhone..

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole.

   Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

   Its my day to protect and Serve. Protecting the donuts and serving the coffee is my specialty.

   saw clash of the titans last night, my mother in law won the battle.

   if Rambo had a gay son would his name be Rambutt?

   Do your Moobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?

   A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender" I'll have..........a beer." The bartender says" What's with the huge pause?" The bear shrugs and says "I was born with them".

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.....

   The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed..

   Nickelback-Flash…..Why would Tiger Woods risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?......then again why would any guy risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?

   The Washington Redskins: Where pro football players go to let there career die.

   thinks life is unfair. So many rules; so little time to break them....

   At first, I was thinking of gifting my friend an iPad for his birthday, but on a second thought, I might just gift hm a magnifying glass for his iPhone...

   I don't get drunk .. I get AWESOME!!