Funny Status Messages
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people who have pitbulls are cowards who havent got the guts to bite people themselves! 
He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.
Don't try to outweird me--I get stranger things then you free with my breakfast cereal.
Today, I went to the movies. When I got out, I saw that someone hit my car but were nice enough to leave a note. It said, "Ouch - that's going to cost you some money." They signed it with a happy face sticking out its tongue
Im like domino's pizza, if I dont come in 30 minutes the next one is free.
taliking to his wall. sssshhhh!!!!!!!
they should make a whiskey called May... jus for today
that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...
why should I ever stop smiling when I live in a joke world!
Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.
A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A great friend will draw a mustache on you on the way.
Does any1 else find it wierd that in the movie "twilight new moon" there are 4 boys running around in the woods shirtless together?!
facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you
asks, What can brown do for you?... Brown will whoop ur ass, just ask Rhianna or Whitney
waiting for you to say something intelligent .
you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys
Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon
You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.
Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...
must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead. 