Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   carrying groceries to the house the other night, when Justin Bieber played on my mp3 player. Had to bang my head on the trunk until my earphones fell out.

   Ever look at someone and think, "Nice cage, no bird"?

   going to help support the Greek Debt Crisis by eating more Greek Dressing . . . .and Bakliva

   did it all for the nookie

   The U.N. is trying to outlaw the use of lol since it is the international symbol for a drowning person.

   s it possible to set the Gulf of Mexico on fire and turn it into a giant fish fry?

   if your lookin for Sympathy it is in the dictionary between S*it and Syphilis...

   a 5 yr old who must be alot smarter than me, because I din't know everything until I was a teenager

   Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure hallucinations

   (sigh) women

   I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into her again.

   when I die, bury me with all my debts and a cell phone so I can haunt them for a change.

   Don't text and walk at the same time. Trust me, that street lamp is closer than you think..

   My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.

   In 2011 the government will start killing all mentally challenged people. I started crying when I thought of you. Run my little retard, save yourself.

   This other dude at a store just asked me if tulips were annuals or perrinials. I should probably change out of this pink shirt.

   Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

   like the real live version of the state fair..

   What's better???????.... A hot woman drinking more than you or that same woman buying you drinks?

   a slurpee a day keeps the teacher away