Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 602 of 6382
News flash for Jack and Jill: You don't go uphill to find water.
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03-08-2019 08:21
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Elvis Presley moved Priscilla to his house when she was 14 years old. Where's the outrage over this?
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03-07-2019 19:21
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Daddy, do I really need secret security clearance to give the president a hand job?
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03-07-2019 16:54
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daylight saving time starts sunday. Translation tired for a week.
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03-07-2019 16:33
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If you fill a Whoopee cushion with gravy it adds a new twist to a classic practical joke.
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03-07-2019 14:03 by sharky
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When I die I hope my life doesn't really flash before my eyes. There is some $h!t from my past I'd rather not see again.
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03-07-2019 10:48
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Welcome to your 40s, you don’t even know why but you’re angry.
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03-07-2019 07:04
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Our first lady will be doing a live show. Will there be a pole involved?
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03-06-2019 11:38
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It looks like you're trying to defend someone's policies, would you like to turn on Caps Lock and disable spell check?
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03-06-2019 11:34
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I have a very rigid exercise routine, involving daily jogs to the fridge to see what I have to eat.
AOC = arrogant obnoxious chick
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03-06-2019 11:25
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If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.
I have severe attachment issues. I struggle with attaching my keys to my key chain.
Demi Moore is French for half a Moore.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, and the box of chocolate chip cookies preferably within arm's reach.
I'm hoping the next big Trend will be modesty.
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03-05-2019 19:20
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You know you love your wife if you've ever written a hush money check to a porn star on Valentine's day.
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03-05-2019 15:21
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Every time I see one those signs handing on a telephone pole saying "Work From Home! Make Great Money! It's Easy! Call 1800 yada yada yada I can't help but think, if it's so easy why's someone out there working so hard hanging signs?
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03-05-2019 14:19
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I don't know what I'd do without facebook. But I'm sure it would be something more productive.
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03-05-2019 11:01
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Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
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03-05-2019 03:00
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