Funny Status Messages

   i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. when you wish upon a star...

   her breakfast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didnt want, and water that I slipped birth control into....Who says chivalry is dead!!

   The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!

   Dear Beer,I forgive You for abandoning me during tough times during the week, I love You for coming back on weekend and will French kiss You, till sobriety do us apart!

   I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me -- they were cramming for their finals!

   [Due to Improper conduct on facebook and writing randomly on walls, Facebook has removed my status bar ]

   I Never Finish My Eraser Because It Is Either Stolen,Lost,or Cut In Half

   if I had a nickel for evertime I ignored your friends request, I could buy facebook with all my change..

   I didn't fall , I attacked the floor.

   I want to get a Henna tattoo that says "Forever"

   Her bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that sh*t together with floss...

   white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to f*ck cuz its not my time of month"

   Ummmm, got drunk and tried to adopt a kid again...

   Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

   He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagin@...

   Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas...

   Dude you should've seen this bathroom stall, it was like I had to clean up Heroshima before I could drop my Nagasaki.

   if it is not on wikipedia, then you are wrong, lady

   if you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.

   my face is leaving in 10 minutes - be on it.