Funny Status Messages

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments..

   If you take a muscle relaxer and a Viagra together you will end up a Gumby with a Pokey.....

   Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

   I knew Steve Nash deep down is a laker fan. Even his right eye and purple and yellow

   why test on animals when we have pedofiles in prison.

   Just saw my Direct Deposit amount and the "LOL" the bank typed next to it.

   I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.

   I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!

   You know what''s so scary, but just so sexy at the same time? A hot woman kicking your a$$ in video games.....in your room.....on your bed.

   Used the local gas station toilet today, when I walked in someone in the stall muttered "Release the Kracken"...well played creepy homeless guy...well played.

   never realized how sleep deprivation could make me think more bazarrely (is that a word?) than abnormal...thinking outside the dimension !

   curious as to which arm rest in the movie theatre is really yours.

   Women with facial hair, can y'all please stop buying all the freakin Schick razor blades!!! Those are not MADE FOR Y'ALL!!!!   

   To say things are going "swimmingly" is always a good thing. Except when you're on a cruise.

   I want to buy a Labrador for my niece but i'm a bit scared. I can't help but notice how many Labrador owners have gone blind.

   just got a 'friend request' from Dr. Phil as suggested by another friend....Hmmmm, is this friend trying to tell me something???

   I don't care what anyone says...ice cream is a very important element to any healthy diet!!

   Think back to 1850. California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. Nothing has changed, except then women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands!

   serve her a large drink with a full banana hidden inside it. If she gulp it in one shoot with no problem I know i'm in for a long night!

   Whoever said "two wrongs don't make a right" has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.