Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ahh..Monday, so we meet again... You dirty b*tch
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so adorable how MySpace keeps sending me reminders to come back.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like a casino... You go in all excited and optimistic, you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ice. Bank. Mice. Elf. Say it out loud.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a middle-of-the-road kind of guy. Maybe that's why I get honked at all the time.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm feeling adventurous, so I'm going to go to sleep and try to dodge Freddy Krueger. Wish me luck!
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two sides to every argument, but I don't have time to listen to yours.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 14:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think that this morning, every side of the bed is wrong.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 13:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that the inventor of the auto-response phone system should be put to death - but they have to choose their own death from a menu of options.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holocaust jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it ...
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monday has been calling me and just breathing heavily into the phone until I hang up...
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:53 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sign of the times when you don't take a newspaper or magazine to the bathroom with you anymore. Instead you take your laptop with you.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trip to Wal-Mart is all the proof I need that ugly isn't an effective means of birth control
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm all out of tea and sympathy. How about some coffee and you f*cking deserved it?
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon isn't sure what's worse...the massive amount of oil gushing into the ocean, or the massive amount of BS gushing from BP executives.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:24 by @bitemeNsuckit Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a chip on my shoulder(Cool Ranch Dorito)
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look out Mr. Boss Man, I had a Barney, two Wilma's and a Deeno before I came in so, let's get this show on the road, buddy-boy
←Rate | 06-07-2010 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too tired this morning to execute my plan for world domination
←Rate | 06-07-2010 09:26 by G\'rapes Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when you prefer nut clusters to marshmallows in your cereal.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 09:02 Comments (0)  




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