Funny Status Messages

   If you're friending me on Facebook ONLY because you want a nail or you have a lost cow in Farmville, the joke's on you! I play Mafia Wars!

   Two wrongs don't make a right, but they have the potential to become a pretty interesting Facebook status update.

   I'm peeved that the bank owns a good chunk of this house but hasn't once taken out the trash. Worst roommate ever.

   I understand that good things come to those who wait. Might I ask just how long the line is?

   I think it's not the morning that's bothering me. It's the awakeness.

   Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you.

   I wonder if the CEO of Classmates.com cries every time he sees the word "Facebook."

   A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

   I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself?

   Since the world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   I think that all I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

   I appreciate the police escort, but shouldn't they be in front of me?

   Everyone is always asking something for a friend. Friends are the most curious, ignorant ba$tard$, aren't they?

   I don't like exercise so I'm not going to walk a mile in your shoes. I'll judge you standing right here.

   Summer: the time of year when parents realize just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.

   I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

   they put on $100 and still are proud to swipe their foodstamp why cant they get a job?

   thinks Bill Nye should figure out how to plug up the oil

   Thank you Flyers for a great season. The best I've ever seen. But hey Blackhawks I hope you enjoy drinking the beer from the cup. We peed in it.

   People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're al the same