Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you're allways late, your work is slack, you bit#h and wine behind my back, a 2hr lunch 4u is quick, and twice a week you call in sick, i've hated you since the day you were hired, log off facebook are your fat a#s is fired

   NXT 4 Life! They're taking over!

   The ball got bigger, then it hit me

   loves life; but life thinks we should see other people.

   knows one thing about the speed of light -- It always gets here way too early in the morning.

   Finds that the best place to pick up women is at the Immigration Office.

   I'm not saying we ought to misbehave, but we should at least look as though we could.

   Do camels think their feet looks like pussies?

   I mix Corona with water and it gets me drunk... mixed Wine with water and it gets me drunk... I mix Tequila with water and gets me drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...

   Many personality flaws are now treatable mental illnesses... My insurance denied me coverage, apparently being an @sshole is a preexisting condition.

   Ok, TV coroners. We get it. You're comfortable around dead bodies. You can stop putting your sandwiches on them.

   I once went 4 days with out a cell phone. So ya, Third World Countries, I get it now.

   With all the disease in this world, I'm just happy I didn't catch "The Stupid", or any other airborne illness like Freckles

   You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!,

   Footall AKA Soccer = the cure for insomnia

   What do I mean, "inner geek"? I'm deluding myself -- I'm pretty much geek all the way through.

   put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong.

   thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest...

   I saw an Indian guy violently shaking a rug, I suppose to clean it. I couldn't help myself, I asked "Can't get it started?"

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.