Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like to follow up a compliment with a threat. For example, "Nice shirt! I'll fight you for it."

   Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist.

   on Facebook for social networking; not for digital farms and aquariums. Quit asking me to adopt your fish or join your farm because really I don't care if your fish dies or if your entire farm burns. Thanks :)

   says If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be playing Hockey instead eh!!

   hates facebook! you ever go to click on someones name in chat n they log off.

   I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day

   Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...

   Fact: If a person thinks they're big enough to stick their nose in someone else's buisness, be big enough to take it when it gets bitten off!

   heard that Greece won at the world cup today...given their recent debt write downs it's a good thing they didn't have to buy a goal.

   The strawberry shampoo doesn't taste as good as it smells.

   is wondering why people ask tall people if they play basket ball but not ask short people if they work for willy wonka

   If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be play Football instead!!

   When sh*t dont look right, Start a fight.

   Really classmate.com you're really gonna stay in business...even though Facebook does what you do for free?

   theres so much more room for activites!!!

   FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: * Wake/Viewing will be on Thurs., June 17th, 6 pm.* The funeral and burial will be at The Staples Center, 111 S. Figueroa Los Angeles, Ca. 90015..* Special invited guests include K. Bryant, D. Fisher, R. Artest, P. Gas

   Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

   come on BP...Mary Ann or Ginger would have had this leak in the Gulf fixed without any help from the Progessor BY NOW!!!!!

   loves each and every one of you. Happy opposite day everyone!

   When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.