Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5918 of 6446

Just sprayed my wife with Axe body spray. Now I'm just waiting for a bunch of hot chicks to come rip her clothes off like on those commercials.

When you are SINGLE all you see are happy couples.... When you are COMMITTED all you see are happy SINGLES!!! ;-)
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06-17-2010 14:52
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busy playing with his Shake Weight.
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06-17-2010 14:50
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It was all so different before everything changed.
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06-17-2010 14:38 by Aaron
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wondering why they don't simply cover the oil spill with a HUGE portion of kitty litter.
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06-17-2010 13:20 by hamm
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The smoke alarm just went off....dinners ready!
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06-17-2010 12:47 by bubba
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I use to hear snap crackle pop, and think of breakfast time. Now I hear it, I think I had better get out of this chair.
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06-17-2010 12:44 by bubba
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Just figured out how to stop the oil spill! Put a wedding ring on it and it will never put out again.
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06-17-2010 12:10 by Michael
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..The big bad wolf tells little red riding hood to suck his d*ck. She says... "Look f*cker! stick with the story, You're supposed to eat ME!"
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06-17-2010 10:34
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RT @latinjns Jeremiah 28:11 He has a plan for your life, trust him to lead and guide you.....//Yes Lord!
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06-17-2010 10:33
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Dear Celtics and Laker Fans God will be ignoring all your request for a victory tonight so don't waste your prayers....
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06-17-2010 10:26
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wishes the hair on his face would grow in as dark and as thick as the hair on his butt!!
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06-17-2010 10:17 by pizzapal
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the plastic things at the end of the shoelaces are called aglets and their real purpose is sinister
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06-17-2010 09:43
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not illiterate...my parents were married!
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06-17-2010 09:21 by joycey
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Hi! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a spider. And I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you ever could.

pissed! I open my m&m's and every one of them were Ws, I mean seriously?.. I should sue!

don't worry about your boyfriend dumping you, there's plenty of fish in the sea.......whats that?...There's an oil spill?....
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06-16-2010 22:49
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Grammar is important. For instance, commas and Capital letters make a difference. such as in these examples: "Let's eat grandpa." vs "Lets eat, grandpa" or "I helped my Uncle Jack of a horse" vs "I helped my uncle jack of a horse".....

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
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06-16-2010 22:28 by Danmanz
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
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06-16-2010 22:28 by Danmanz
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