Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5908 of 6446

I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.

Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.

When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is..." I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.

Saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning.... Use Rear Entrance". I thought it was good advice.
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06-22-2010 04:45 by RoN
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needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to stab you."
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06-22-2010 04:43 by RoN
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I used to have a voice just like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.
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06-22-2010 04:42 by RoN
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the nashnul spelling bee champion
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06-22-2010 04:29
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it me or is Tosh.0 the greatest freaking show since Flavor of Love???...
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06-22-2010 03:41
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Just wants to make it clear...white men leave their kids too...
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06-22-2010 03:39
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written what you are reading
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06-22-2010 01:52
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don't it look more Spacious in here without the rug?
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06-22-2010 00:06
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Im not saying all IPhone users are douchbags. I am simply saying all douchbags are IPhone users =)
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06-21-2010 23:45 by stellar m
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Women should come with Miranda Rights....because if you say the wrong thing, it will come back to haunt you!
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06-21-2010 23:37
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getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Circle'...all done. And I thought this getting into shape thing was going to be hard.
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06-21-2010 22:23
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feed the homeless to the hungry, 2 problems solved......
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06-21-2010 21:59 by CC
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An Englishman walks into a bar. The American knocks him out, takes his girlfriend, and lives happily ever after. The end.
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06-21-2010 21:07 by Demon
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let's get 1 thing straight...i work for a living,..i dont live for workin'
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06-21-2010 20:04 by cp
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2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...
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06-21-2010 19:21
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thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.
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06-21-2010 19:15 by Phire
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just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."
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06-21-2010 18:41 by Phire
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