Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   According to Twilight, it cool to chase 17 year-old tail but only if you're 110 years old.

   When Bella's Aunt Flo comes to visit, does she have to double up on her feminine protection to keep Eddie from biting her?

   TWILIGHT: Turning the bloodthirsty undead into a bunch of wussies for over three quarters of a decade.

   If drinking destroys your memories...what does drinking do?

   Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

   had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters

   without trust, there is suspicion whenever your filled with suspicion everyone starts looking evil to you

   Try Jesus . . . If you don't like him, The Devil will always take you back :)

   I love pulling in a random person's driveway when a cop is turning around to pull me over. Makes me feel like James Bond.

   I have to go to work after getting my braces tighten, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.

   I heard that if you sneak into the new twilight movie and blast justin bieber, the combination impregnates everyone.

   Psst. Hey. Europe is asleep. Let's talk sh*t about them.

   If you accept a penny for your thoughts, not only are you a philosophical prostitute. You're not a very good one.

   I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.

   These lemons are half empty.

   These food stamps taste terrible...

   We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.

   At what age do you tell a highway it was adopted?

   Eclipse recently came out. Who wants to stand at the front of the movie theaters and take away man-cards with me? Every guy I see going to watch it will have his man-card automatically suspended and recommended for permanent expulsion from the Male gender

   I was blinded by your beauty, so I am gonna need your name and number for insurance purposes...