Funny Status Messages

   wonders why everyone on facebook looks like they had a stroke I mean seriously that facial expression is stupid, and holding up the peace sign doesnt make you look any smarter.

   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

   figured out that the shin bone is intended for finding furniture in a dark room.

   the only reason why I will wear this HIDEOUS bridesmaid dress is so that a drunk groomsmen can rip it off me later with his teeth.

   When you say, “Jump!” I say, “Under which bus?”

   it me or are 75% of the people that use handicap parking spots not suffering from a handicap at all???

   Master Chef: I am glad the 3rd guy is bald... it matches his d.ick-head personality.

   Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

   Keep talking........ I always yawn when I'm interested.

   It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

   There's no such thing as being "big boned." How many fat skeletons have you ever seen???

   I don't know why some girls refuse to use a porta-potty. It's not like us men pee on the seat on purpose...geesh:)

   Pop Rocks and Condoms! All I can say is WOW!

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart?

   just got a phone call reminder from my dentist about an appointment to come in for a cavity search...

   The Stones are doing a farewell tour. Gonna miss Fred and Barney.

   I can be the only guy at Walmart at two in the morning but as soon as I whip that box of Tampax on the belt, the checkout line is full and they do a price check.

   Dang Kobe, first Artest and now Matt Barnes!? Talk about keeping ur friends close and ur enemies closer! Lol

   It's never a good sign when you lift a girls skirt and find a fly strip dangling down.

   Suppose I should get a girlfriend. Yep, I'm almost out of cologne.