santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth-awareness, 'Get Yourself Tested' & Buy or lease a new Hummer this Christmas...Great so, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving slut that dosen't care about the environment???

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth awareness, 'Get Yourtself Tested' & buy or lease a Jaguar this Christmas...So, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving sl*t that needs a car & dosn't care for the environment.

   dear santa, I found the shoes I want, text me for my size

   Mariah Carey grew to hate Christmas. After she recorded all I want for Christmas is you, she only gets a house full of relatives now.

   gonna buy a real tree sometime this week, hope it doesnt end up like amy winehouse, dead...5' 6 and surrounded by needles by christmas...

   At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking.

   Supreme Court rules no Nativity scene in DC!!! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.

   Bad News: On a test run last night, Santa was sucked into the engine of a Russian military jet & turned into red mist.

   If an old man stuffs you in a bag don't worry, I asked for you for Christmas. Oh he threw you in a van, not a sleigh? Yeah, you're screwed.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of da road I'm going to leave & come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign says, "Help, need ride"

   Ho, Ho, Ho!" - Santa Claus doing a naughty girl head count.

   To all the merchants trying to make a buck off of Christmas...Go elf yourself!

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."

   I told this homeless dude I would send him some supplies for Christmas but I need his address first

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   Santa only gives my kids undies and socks. All the cool stuff comes from dad. They don't like Santa much.

   Christmas is the time for giving family. So I'm giving away my family 'cause I'm efficient like that.

   Every Christmas for the last 15 years, I've been too drunk to remember the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, enough is enough. It's time to get my act together. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.

   The only Christmas movie I can even remotely relate to is "Bad Santa." And you damn right I want some sandwiches.