life Funny Status Messages

   We all hold our hand out for help in this life. The goal should be to have your palm down more often than up.

   Call me crazy, but I want more. More sex, more love, more LIFE.

   Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.

   Should I get a puppy, or have a child? Well, I would rather ruin my carpet, than ruin my life.

   my phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket

   I just found out Obama has been lying this whole time.......now..… I … I just … my whole life has been a lie.

   I just found out that eating spinach doesn't make you stronger.......now..… I … I just … my whole life has been a lie.

   I just found out that doves don’t even have tear ducts. Now … I … I just … my whole life has been a lie.

   Life is all about deciding how much crazy you can live with.

   I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!

   Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day... Give a man a poisonous fish and you'll feed him for the rest of his life

   It's scary how your life is based on how well you do as a teenager

   Marriage is hard. Marriage is so hard Nelson Mandela got divorce. He spend 27 years in prison getting tortured and beaten everyday of his life for 27 years. He got out of jail, spent 6 months with his wife, and said. I CANT TAKE THIS SHI%

   Today is the 2nd day of the rest of your life. Sorry yesterday was the 1st day. Didn't you get the memo?

   If you need me, I'll be in the shower trying to wash away the last twenty years of my life.

   I don't just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.

   No matter how hard life gets just remember there are always people out there who love you, if you pay them enough.

   Even if I had an antidote for fixing stupid people I won't cure them, why should I kill the entertainment of my life.

   I used to have a life outside of work. Now I have a wife outside of work.

   I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.