Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 579 of 6446

there anything worse than getting interrupted during sex? Especially when you were about to achieve your big O.
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10-30-2019 01:32
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Cardi B's music hits different when you turn it off
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10-30-2019 01:00
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Look at me all out and about on a week night like some kind of rock star. Target Cashier: Credit or debit?
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10-30-2019 00:58
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Just got a cramp in my side so that’ll teach me for getting off the couch.
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10-29-2019 09:33
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Me: Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to stay in the shower? All other inmates (in unison): No.
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10-29-2019 09:32
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Sorry I was late. I was trying to explain to my son how an octopus has 8 legs but not 8 feet.
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10-29-2019 09:31
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I went to a gender reveal party yesterday and was immediately told to put my clothes back on...
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10-29-2019 09:00 by Gabe
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When I said, “I would sell a kidney for it”, what made you think I meant mine? Hold still.

Oh, you have anxiety? Name 5 friends who secretly hate you.
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10-29-2019 08:20
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If you have 12 followers on Instagram, you’re unpopular. If you have 12 followers in real life, you’re the messiah.
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10-29-2019 01:23
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Those were not boos. They were alternative cheers.
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10-29-2019 00:19
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When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend then as an adult I had thousands of them, until I deleted my Facebook account.
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10-28-2019 21:34
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Have you ever noticed that lOl looks like a man drowning?
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10-28-2019 21:28
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I don’t win marathons because I’m athletic, I win them because I’m driven
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10-28-2019 18:53
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Sometimes it's best to keep things between you and your neighbors. Like a stockade fence.
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10-28-2019 16:45
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There's been a major recall on Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Bring them to my house so I can dispose of them properly.
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10-28-2019 11:23 by DJJackson
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If you got haters . They means you are doing something right . World series
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10-28-2019 09:19
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I'm at the World Series game and they showed Trump on the big screen. All I could hear was boos and "lock him up" chants, lol
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10-27-2019 22:30
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This Jesus is King album by Kanye West is the second worst thing to happen to Jesus.

To the person who corrected my grammar online, I killed you’re whole family