Funny Status Messages
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Like all moms, there are days when Mother Nature just wants to feel sexy. Somehow, this leads to hurricanes. 
lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Dear A+. You are the most beautiful grade of them all... Thank you for visiting... Please hang out with me more often... We belong together... I will never tire of looking at you...
Dont Drink and Ebay.. you'll surely get bankrupt
Mon :( Tues :/ Wed :| Thurs :) Friday :D Sat ^.^ Sun -_-
CRAP.... look who's online..LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT....."Hey whats up?..s***!!
We should get 600 rolls of toilet paper, and tp Trevor Hoffmans house...
it's been a great summer and would like to thank the ladies for the great mammaries
I got enough crap in my life at the moment sorry I cant fit you in!
The grass may look greener . . . but it's Astroturf.
Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"
some times the same way a guy does not cherish a good girl a girl does not cherish a good guy.
I am very suspicious about joggers. It seems as if they are always the ones who find the bodies.
Im starting a "stop breeding ugly children boycott" in front of the hospitals
ohh really? no blisters if I use this right?
It felt so good to delete you, I'd accept you just to do it all over again!!
Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't Fly!
Was about to put on my white jeans then realized ITS AFTER LABOR DAY! Phew, what a fashion mistake that would had been! So I put on my neon green parachute pants instead.
tried to sell myself on Craigslist...now I'm "Censored."
I've been given two weeks to live. The wife's gone away for a fortnight. 