santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.

   wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.

   My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

   Just heard there is an Occupy North Pole protest going on. Apparently Santa did not share his wealth with the naughty group.

   Dreaming of a White Christmas? You r@cist b@stards.

   Merry Christmas to the Bathroom models around the world.

   I love the holidays. A time when people are supposed to be more nice and caring, actually become bigger a$$holes than they are the rest of the year.

   I am such a thoughtful Lad! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up.

   Dear Santa, I don't want anything for Christmas except for the person reading this to have an amazing Christmas.

   Santa is an unfair a$shole, He gives the more expensive gifts to the wealthier kids!

   Dear Santa, I was framed!

   Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .

   Birthdays then- 'Wow! Look at all these presents!' ... Birthdays now- 'Wow! Look at all these notifications!'

   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is SethMacFarlane and his Evil Genius.....and an Occupy Wall St. Family Guy!

   If you wake up with a weird taste in your mouth on Chrismas morning, just remember that Santa only comes once a year...

   That scene in Boogie Nights when Julianne Moore says "C*m on my t!ts, if you can, OK?" epitomizes what the holidays are like with my family.

   Dear Santa, I didn't want to make it too hard for you this year, so, the only thing on my list this year is 1 year paid leave from work. with bonus

   All I want for Christmas is you...hit by a bus!