Funny Status Messages
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I'm going to miss you SOOO much! It's not just the sex....it's the food preparation too!! ;) 
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 26yrs!
trying to drown all her troubles, but couldn't get her husband to go swimming.
YEP McDonald's has done it AGAIN.....f*cked up ANOTHER order!!
that a gun in ur pocket...or you just happy to see me? ;)P
I bet teaching abstinence in school now days is much easier with the invention of the #FleshLight
In America, you will eventually have a President that used to play Pokemon as a child. Scary.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
When you tell a kid "maybe" all they here is "I swear on my life this will DEF happen!"
a recent survey has found that most men do not partake in doing Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL) as ritual before going to an evening event/gala. Adversely, men are apt to remain active in an older tradition spanning many decades... Shave, Shower, Sh-it. (SSS)
Cremation..........think outside the box
When in doubt, whip it out..
Wouldn't you think that lego people give the perfect hand jobs!?!?!
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged... I would just start yelling out letters!
Do you realize that in about 40-50 years, nursing homes will be filled with old ladies with tramp stamps over their butts? I don't want to even think about the piercings.
Cell phones are great but I wish people would select better ringtones than, "Ring, ding, dong, Ringer, Ringer, Ding, Ding, Dong..."WTF???
Interesting NFL fact: Brett Favre is the only active play to be drafted by the Confederate Army and the NFL
I also propose that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call them "The Turban Cowboy"and "You Mecca Me Hot."
Right now my life is like a video game I'm stuck on this level without ne cheat codes
stephen hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day
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