Funny Status Messages

   No more wasting time with feeling sorry for myself; no more depression; time to rise up and fight back!

   Unlike my girlfriend Facebook goes down.

   Says having Steven Tyler as a judge on American Idol is like having a Triple Crown Winner at Wal-Mart giving pony rides!

   Breaking news: Facebook website is down for most users. Twitter will soon follow as it is overwhelmed by tweets asking "Is facebook down?"

   enjoyed deleting 10 friends to get a free Whopper.

   I think the only people that can use a disposable razor and NOT cut themselves are people that have been to prison!

   I celebrate the Equinox every year by dressing up in a sparkly jump suit....I call it the sequinox!!!!

   showed my son the switch that makes the fridge light go off when the door closes. He looked at me like I'd just shot Santa in the nuts.

   I slap my own ass when having sex cause I'm that kinky. . . And alone.

   I call you sunshine.... not because you rise in the am; but because you go down at night.

   I'm ASKING you to read this and TELLING you a soldier chooses to serve and fight for ALL Americans unconditionally. Perhaps the government should return the favor

   You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, but you can make him wish he had!

   I believe in love at first sight....which is exactly why I stopped looking homeless people in the eyes. Just cant risk it.

   Oh, I see you're playing hard to get... I'm gonna play walk away.

   I like It when you smile...................... But I Love It When I'm The Reason.

   thinks if I ever get put in jail and sentenced to death - my last meal is going to be a McRib and a Shamrock Shake - that should buy me some time cause they are never available at the same time.

   thinks if I ever get put in jail and sentenced to death - my last meal is going to be a McRib and a Shamrock Shake - that should buy me some time cause they are never available at the same time.

   I saw a sign outside a church today it said: "The most powerful position, is on your knees..." *naughty thought*

   X Did you Just say somthing, or did your brain fart..

   You're skin is such a nice orange, what ethnicity are you? Carrot, perhaps?,