Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   screaming obscenities at my computer because my essay is due tomorrow and it just crashed.  My name is X, and Windows 7 was my idea.

   aim for the moon, if you miss youll be among the stars"..then pressure & lack of o2 will make your as@hole explode out of your nostrils.

   Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website

   The Crimmus gift card. A perfect way to say you mean NOTHING to me, but at least you are off my list!

   Merry Christmas! oh, its not evern thanksgiving yet? well, how about we forward that memo to the stores, cause its beginning to look alot like christmas..EVERYWHERE I GO!

   the heart has reasons to say things that the brain will never understand

   The world is at peace when you're eating a hamburger.

   You know I think its real messed up that clubs have "Ladies Night" where a bunch of them can go and drink free for a while and dance...But they dont have a "Guys Night" where dudes can do the same...??Oh wait??..That sounds kinda gay...NEVERMIND

   Does this status make my wall look big..

   You had me at an extra hour of sleep.

   My cable goes out more than I do.......How sad!!

   When I see a ugly girl looking In the mirror I like run to the mirror & throw water at it & say,"see your ugliness made it cry"....

   Went down the doctors today because I have been hearing voices coming from my Pants.The doctor said " Ignore them they're just Talking Bollocks!"

   Facebook employee got fired....Why? He was on Facebook every day at work.

   I want to break down your wall so I can build another one around us.

   I'm wearing that smile you gave me.

   The world is at peace when you're eating a burrito.

   Hey websites, I will always "skip intro", so knock it off.

   I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.

   It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.