Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Twas the night before Christmas, and I have not a joke, just a bunch of these presents and now I am broke. I shall awake in the mornin and hear all the chatter, watch my children open gifts realizing the clothes dont matter. To all of you out there I wish
←Rate | 12-24-2010 13:24 by Kelly Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
←Rate | 12-24-2010 13:10 by @arha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to a posh do tonight. The invitation says, 'Black Tie Only'. Christ, I'm going to be f-kin freezing!
←Rate | 12-24-2010 11:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 11:35 by Kelevra Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Everyone just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.. If you can't be good....... be carefull.. Have a safe and fun holiday...
←Rate | 12-24-2010 11:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else put snowballs in the freezer in anticipation of a snowball fight you don't plan on losing?
←Rate | 12-24-2010 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Get Drunk to Make Your Inlaws Less Annoying Day Eve!
←Rate | 12-24-2010 10:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon lost it now by the fact that for years guys psyche have been bombarded by the eternal equation.."Girls like Teddy bears"..and now after a lot of efforts over the years when I am near that figure..all of a sudden six pack phenomenon kicks in...Damn you B
←Rate | 12-24-2010 10:19 by Bhavin M Jani Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 07:49 by jaiya nick Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red velvet suit, if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh, with 9 tiny reindeer pulling him along, then you have to face it your eggnog's too strong
←Rate | 12-24-2010 07:45 by will Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mrs Claus must get quite lonely this time of year. Hmm...think I'll take a ride up to the north pole tonight. ;0)
←Rate | 12-24-2010 07:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!
←Rate | 12-24-2010 07:09 by will Comments (2)  


   messageicon My son finally found out Santa isn't real, but he claims he heard footsteps on the roof the last couple years on Christmas. This year instead of leaving cookies and sleeping, he's going to sit on the roof with a shotgun.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 06:46 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles
←Rate | 12-24-2010 06:36 by Wayne G. Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people would understand I only sing when I'm drunk and that little shot of wine in church just doesn't cut it.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 04:07 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And the Lord said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life..." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 03:52 by one Comments (0)  


   messageicon says Happy Christmas to all Canadians and Marry Hanukkah to my fellow Americans.
←Rate | 12-24-2010 02:45 by Ziado Makhamreh Comments (2)  


   messageicon Some women talk way too much. Sometimes I wish they can run out of minutes like cell phones. Her - "Let me tell you something else..." You - "Haha, You can only talk on nights and weekends now!"
←Rate | 12-24-2010 00:28 by Kelevra Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies if you wanna get yo man a tie this Christmas thats fine...Just make sure you are wearing tie with nothing else on when you give it too him...
←Rate | 12-23-2010 22:59 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  




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