Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5386 of 6453

just doesn't give a sh!t today, but just in case I start to, I'm starting a list...Your goal-->Stay off the list!
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12-28-2010 17:36
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getting ready to steal wireless from the neighbor...and boy I sure hope the signal is strong.
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12-28-2010 16:47
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i gotta stop playing call of duty black ops, I swear today at work I thought I could upgrade my staple gun..
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12-28-2010 16:40
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Elton John adopting a newborn at 68??? Really? I mean, shouldn't he be picking out coffins instead of cradles?
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12-28-2010 16:29
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Just when you got used to writting 2010....BAM!!! 2011 shows up!
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12-28-2010 16:26
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Hey John its your grandmother. Could you tell me how to work this cell phone you got me for Christmas? ~ Sent via payphone.
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12-28-2010 15:56 by Danmanz
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Say alpha...Kenny...body... now say it all together and fast!! OMG! Ur disgusting!
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12-28-2010 14:57
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I have a lot of people in my phone with the last name "FromTheBar".
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12-28-2010 14:26 by Lesley
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Wow, I have a lot of people named "Do Not Answer" in my phone...
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12-28-2010 14:17 by Lesley
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thinks he knows why Chloe Kardashian and Chewbacca have never been seen in the same room together...
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12-28-2010 13:30
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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Can see into the future. I predict the most popular status update on Jan. 1st will be something to do with people being "hungover"
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12-28-2010 11:44
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If companies embedded subliminal messages in the code for solitaire and angry birds, productivity would go through the roof.
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12-28-2010 11:35 by funnyman
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Onions can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make ppl laugh

curious. Who will win, Optimus Prime or Voltes V? ..... Answer: TV remote
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12-28-2010 10:27
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placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others!
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12-28-2010 09:47
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I have a sudden urge to go skiing........water skiing......in the Caribbean
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12-28-2010 09:38
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Had a cold this morning so I took an Aleve-D and washed it down with an AMP energy drink. Judging by the way I feel, I am fairly certain my body converted to two into meth!
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12-28-2010 09:13 by Michael
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I'm sorry ________, that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine you wanted is still on back order.
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12-28-2010 09:12
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thinks whoever invented new year resolutions would have sworn every year that he wished he hadn't...
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12-28-2010 09:10 by SH
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