Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do remember Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.
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12-24-2010 15:08 by ff1241
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Before I was married I had three theories about raising children...now I have 3 children and absolutely no theories!!
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12-24-2010 15:02
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please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do rembe Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.
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12-24-2010 15:01 by ff1241
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Has finally found my Christmas spirit. Now if I could just remember where I put those candy cane shot glasses, I could start drinking it...
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12-24-2010 13:44
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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red

Twas the night before Christmas, and I have not a joke, just a bunch of these presents and now I am broke. I shall awake in the mornin and hear all the chatter, watch my children open gifts realizing the clothes dont matter. To all of you out there I wish
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12-24-2010 13:24 by Kelly
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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.
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12-24-2010 13:11
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The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
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12-24-2010 13:10 by @arha
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I'm going to a posh do tonight. The invitation says, 'Black Tie Only'. Christ, I'm going to be f-kin freezing!
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12-24-2010 11:42 by @clarkysj
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My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.
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12-24-2010 11:35 by Kelevra
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Hey Everyone just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.. If you can't be good....... be carefull.. Have a safe and fun holiday...
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12-24-2010 11:22
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Anyone else put snowballs in the freezer in anticipation of a snowball fight you don't plan on losing?
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12-24-2010 11:12
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Happy Get Drunk to Make Your Inlaws Less Annoying Day Eve!
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12-24-2010 10:30
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lost it now by the fact that for years guys psyche have been bombarded by the eternal equation.."Girls like Teddy bears"..and now after a lot of efforts over the years when I am near that figure..all of a sudden six pack phenomenon kicks in...Damn you B

Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red velvet suit, if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh, with 9 tiny reindeer pulling him along, then you have to face it your eggnog's too strong
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12-24-2010 07:45 by will
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Mrs Claus must get quite lonely this time of year. Hmm...think I'll take a ride up to the north pole tonight. ;0)
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12-24-2010 07:17
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What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!
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12-24-2010 07:09 by will
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My son finally found out Santa isn't real, but he claims he heard footsteps on the roof the last couple years on Christmas. This year instead of leaving cookies and sleeping, he's going to sit on the roof with a shotgun.
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12-24-2010 06:46 by Will
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Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles
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12-24-2010 06:36 by Wayne G.
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