Funny Status Messages

   I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up

   I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

   really thinks there should be an option on Facebook to 'like' someone's status but not be reminded every single time someone replies on it!

   It's 11/1/11 11:11:11 P.M.

   I was a mess when she left again...tears flowing, snot running, skin burning...I have GOT to stop buying her pepper spray....

   Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?

   A Super-size Extra Value Meal!!!

   Homonyms: a reel waist of thyme.

   The one good redeeming value of pedophiles is that they do drive slow through school zones.

   Australia has officially chnaged it's name to ATLANTIS

   Great! My Mayan doctor just said I have less than a year to live ..

   You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you alot and think of you often.

   Facebook partly responsible for flat wide asses across the globe

   We use 300muscles to keep our balance when we stand, The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb the femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's.A woman has read this entire post..a man is stil lookin at his thumb

   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

   so, Snooki didn't want to write a book about herself, so she rights a novel about the crazy fun at the Jersey Shore...and even has a character named Snooki in the book. Brilliant idea lady!

   Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

   I tYp3 LyK tHi5 cuz i'm cool, No..you type like that because you failed English Now go to preschool and ‘Type like this.'

   Another tragic reported, almost a 100 ducks fell in Glendale Az lastnight, sunday about the same amount of eagles fell in Philly, I wanna know whats going on with all these birds!!! Whats next? Falcons? Ravens? Its all crazy to me!

   Lost 9lbs in one day using a new diet, where I ran to the bathroom every 5 minutes for 24 hours. The stomach virus DVD workout will soon be out!