Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The quiet evening in didn't sound that promising until I realized I have beer in the fridge!
←Rate | 12-10-2010 19:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smiling at the person who know's they have pissed you off can be the highlight of your day. :)
←Rate | 12-10-2010 18:19 by Quinn Comments (0)  


   messageicon ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
←Rate | 12-10-2010 18:17 by @StokedDeathnote Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 17:24 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take off your clothes during a spat and you're a woman you're gonna get laid but if you'r e a man you're gonna get kicked in the balls...
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So tell me, how DO you keep up with all your lies?
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:45 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're addicted to Facebook when you log off your computer, leave the house, get in your car and log back on using your phone.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you and your significant other is having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dare you to walk into the cookie factory and say "Hi I'm here to apply for the fudge packer position".
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:23 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever chicks make that duck face in pictures... I like to imagine it's cause they just got donkey punched in the back of the head.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:18 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  


   messageicon The purpose of fruit flies; to make people look insane, grabbing at the air like they are hallucinating.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:18 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hates putting lights on the Christmas tree, she feels like an elf being punished for being to tall
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If attitude was a tool I'd be a weapon of mass destruction, or at least a butter knife.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if Facebook is hiring because I just put in my 40 hrs this week.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:01 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a cop asks you, "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
←Rate | 12-10-2010 15:58 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just wants to be someones "Dirty little secret!"
←Rate | 12-10-2010 15:53 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever been in such a hurry you try getting out of your car with your seatbelt still on? It wasn't just me right?
←Rate | 12-10-2010 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to triple dog dare someone to lick a flagpole this winter.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My thermostats are revealing just how cold it is today ~ Note to self: Get a thicker bra...
←Rate | 12-10-2010 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the amount of spam by a high number of people playing this number game, I will now block/hide every person from my newsfeed who is doing this.. You have killed our newsfeed with personal msgs and spam. This is not twitter, so please stop
←Rate | 12-10-2010 15:36 by Arsenalaction Comments (0)  




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