Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Everyone talking about Pelosi ripping up Trump's speech, but we've all done questionable things when we were that drunk...
←Rate | 02-05-2020 09:48 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon What did the yoga instructor say when asked if she was ever going to leave? --- Nahmaste
←Rate | 02-05-2020 09:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said BREAD IN CAPTIVITY.
←Rate | 02-05-2020 06:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone in this world has consumed more mayonnaise than anyone else currently alive and they don’t even know it
←Rate | 02-05-2020 06:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From what I've been told by inside sources, Pete had the most votes in Iowa, but Bernie Sanders keeps insisting that they be distributed equally.
←Rate | 02-05-2020 00:00 by JeffW Comments (0)  


   messageicon People that cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 28 dependents in...
←Rate | 02-04-2020 23:59 by JeffW Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 20:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think those status updates that's say copy and paste this status so I'll know who's reading my status are stupid. Copy and paste this status if you agree.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 13:58 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a procrastinator with OCD means that I do nothing over and over and over again.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham that's apologizing for not being bacon.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You picture a lot more hair when you hear "Hair" as opposed to hearing "Hairs".
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying someone has a dry sense of humor implies the existence of wet senses of humor.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can we just call the Chinese Corona Virus Kung Flu?
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bees build homes with their mouths and defend with their butts. Spiders build homes with their butts and defend with their mouths.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best things in life require no pants.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress. I'm going there in person tomorrow to see what's really going on.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Iowa's voting app failed because it was too icy to climb up the telephone poles to vote.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Uber driver is acting weird. He is wearing a mask and making me ride in the trunk. 1 star.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 10:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *At Super Bowl Party Sunday* Hey honey, they've got a WHOLE bunch of jumbo shrimp here, did you bring the big purse?
←Rate | 02-04-2020 10:50 Comments (0)  




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