Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lefties can argue all they want that they are better than people who use their right hand, but I know for a fact that the right leg is more important than the left. How many people use their left leg when they drive an automatic car?

   Being single doesn't mean your weak, it means you're strong enough to wait for what YOU deserve.

   An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

   Facebook will soon become the world's leading source of unwanted information about people's New Year's resolutions.

   wondering where Noah kept the woodpeckers on the ark

   Fruitcakes are like kids. Eighteen years later they're often still found just sitting around your house.

   I will consider running a half-marathon the first time I see someone smiling while doing it.

   High on life and also a tiny bit of paint.

   says it just isn't fair there are children starving in Africa, And I wake up looking this good.

   Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

   When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves

   Fubu shirt- $100 ; Rocca Wear sweatshirt- $80 ; Sean John hat- $50 ; Realizing you're white... Priceless.

   There are two things I cannot stand: racism and asians

   I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I've sure woken up with a few.

   Licking pu$sy is like playing with the mafia: one wrong move and your in deep sh*t.

   I you don't go to other peoples funerals, they won't go to yours.

   Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. ~Jane Wagner

   Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

   If normal is a relative term, then why aren't my relatives normal?

   A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.