Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to jager. Jager leads to hangover. Hangover leads to suffering.

   While you're out eating and drinking after midnight please remember poor little Gizmo who isn't allowed to.

   my New Years Resolution is to meet the lady that is no longer getting sex from her husband.

   The New Year is ringing in, may all your Champagne wishes and Caviar Dreams come true!!

   knockin' boots. Okay, maybe knockin' snow off my boots, but still.

   May the blessings of the new year pass me by and find someone less fortunate. My life is not perfect but I have no reason to complain. I am lucky to have what I have.

   reading Santa's Naughty Girls list...... Thank you Wikileaks

   To my Family & Friends. There were probably many times this year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or got on your nerves. So today I just wanted to tell you. Suck it up cupcake! There are NO CHANGES plan

   New Year's Eve: Where old acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive!

   new years eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early

   Another year about to be in the past ~ a few ups & downs ~ some you remember ~ some you forget ~ New Year ahead ~ Dreams to Collect ~ I wish you all a New Year that is full of happy times, great memories, good health, contentment, and most of all LOVE ♥

   My buddy Jim has an impressive New Year's resolution. No more sex, no beer, no football, no nights out with the guys and no looking at other women. He's getting married tonight!!

   Beer companies keep telling you to think when you drink, but they think is that when you drink you can still think. The truth is, when you drink you can't think. So before you drink, think-- then don't drink.

   It's a Red Bull kind of day.

   trying to think of a good way to show off to everyone the superman underwear I got for Christmas.

   I may still be single but I know that I have saved a lot of money on a wedding and even more on the divorce.

   Just read the instructions on a stick of deoderant "remove top and push up bottom". Having trouble walking but farts smell great!

   Whenever I'm drinking Vodka and eating Nacho flavored Doritos, I always seem to have to spend the next morning apologizing for things I said on Facebook. I guess I really need to stop eating Nacho flavored Doritos

   An hour and 11 minutes after midnight tonite is 1-1-11 @1:11AM. A memorable time to text and express love to your 1 & only :D

   The hospitals are running low on plasma and need donations. Apparently people bought more TVs for Christmas than they expected so they need to make more.