Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My wife is driving me crazy with nagging! I came back from the store with the list she gave me and now she's all on my case because I forgot ONE little kid.

   She fell asleep and as usual, I cleaned my balls with a baby wipe for nothing.

   doesn't know whether last night's muchness wrapped up all the partying of 2010 or kickstarted another crazy year of fun fun FUN!

   We can all say "Happy New Year" , but don't forget those who lost their homes and loved ones today due to the tornadoes; I am sure its not a very Happy New Year for some. So for me, I am just thankful for what I still have today.

   My new years resolution is act like I am interested in your new years resolution

   May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.

   they just said that the new year's ball weighs 12,000 pounds..... wait, I thought Snookie wasn't in the ball?? wtf

   dont ask me about anything thats about to happen last year

   Here's hoping Justin Beiber's balls drop along with the New Year's one.

   sounds like plasticmortal got to have their very first beer... f new years eve...

   New Years Eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early. I just hope I'll be sober enought to drive from work to the bar.

   If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.

   Happy easter and have a fantastic1982 from all at the alzheimers society ! See you next week at the bonfire and dont forget your swimsuit! X.

   So for everyone planning on drinking and then driving tonight- Do me a favor please. Go full speed, no seatbelt, and hit the first pole, tree or wall you see. Kill yourself, not an innocent child or someone who doesnt need to drink to have a good

   It's now OFFICIAL!!! Facebook has become the weather channel.... Yes I know its nice outside...but thank you for the updates every other min!

   Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...

   Prematurely panicked with all the blizzard warnings yesterday and ate my cat....now feeling remorseful.....

   it's almost 2011....I still find it hard to believe I do not have my own robot yet. Damn you Jetsons.

   Keep the smile, leave the tear, think of joy, forget the fear… hold the laugh, leave the pain, be joyous, coz it's New Years! HAPPY NEW YEAR! ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶

   Oh Snap! Looked outside and there's white stuff all over the ground... Either it's snowing or Lindsay Lohan dropped her stash...